Queen of Dusk
by Riley Malfoy
Summary: As a 16-year-old girl and the slayer, Buffy feels exluded from the joys of growing up and would like nothing more than to stake Spike. Spike's angry at the world and vying for the chance to kill the slayer...but what's keeping them from doing it? S/B
1. Going Under

Title: Going Under (1/11)   
Series: Queen of Dusk  
Author's Name: Riley  
Author's Email and URL: XxBuffyRoxMySoxX@aol.com   
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and UPN own Buffy the Vampire Slayer in totality. Joss Whedon and the WB own Angel: the Series. No profit is made from this piece of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. The song was written and performed by Amy Lee of Evanescence.   
Distribution: To my site, all archives. You are free to take, just let me know  
Rating: R  
Timeline: Season 2, before Angel goes bad, when they are dating. Spike is not in his wheelchair (Dru is not healed), Xander and Cordy are secretly together and Willow and Oz are together. I know that may be a little wonky, but I want it to work.   
Pairing: B/S (B/A at the beginning, but not for long.)   
Feedback: Yes! Please let me know what you thought!   
Summary: Buffy's hurting, she's lonely, and no one understands. She's lost everything she has to live for, or so she thinks. Spike finds something oddly compelling about the Slayer…now if only he could bring her to his side…  
  
  
  
She was frowning, wet strands of blonde hair caking to her cheeks and mascara was lumping beneath tired eyes. Buffy tucked a limp strand of hair behind her ear and zipped her windbreaker up to her neck. It was just her luck, a storm on the one night she'd not dressed accordingly while patrolling. Buffy leaned on a tombstone as she bent over to try and rid her tennis shoes of water.   
"Buffy?" Buffy's head shot up at his voice.   
"Angel." She breathed as he came upon her. "Where have you been? You were supposed to meet me an hour ago!" She hugged him tightly. She had been so worried. She didn't know what'd she do if she lost Angel. He was everything to her. She lifted a sopping wet hand to caress his cheek.   
"I had some business to take care of at Willie's." Angel reassured, kissing her forehead gently. "God, you're sopping wet. I'll take you home and patrol for you tonight." Buffy smiled warmly.   
"Thanks, but it's no use," she glanced down at her watch "It's almost time for me to be off anyway. I don't say no to you walking me home though…" she grabbed his hand. It was cool to the touch, but she didn't notice, as her skin was just as frosty.   
"How was school today?" Angel glanced down at Buffy with a tired smile.   
"A little class there, a little ditching there. Actually, a whole lot of ditching. Giles needed me to do the research thing." Angel nodded understandingly.   
"Are you free tomorrow night?"   
"I think so. Why? Got something in mind?" Buffy grinned up at Angel and tugged on the sleeve of his coat.   
"I want to take you out. We could go to the Bronze." He suggested, wringing water from his sleeve.   
"That'd be great, Angel." she looked up at him through her eyelashes. "I'll see you tomorrow." She kissed him softly on the lips and pulled away to go inside the house. Angel grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, kissing her more deeply this time.   
"Goodnight Buffy." Angel gave her a last lingering kiss and left as she climbed into her bedroom window. Buffy peeled the drenched clothing from her body and changed into some dry flannel pants and a tank top, throwing her wet hair into a ponytail. Something like anger flashed through her as she imagined her friends dancing at the Bronze. They didn't have some obligation to take care of every drunken teenager wandering the streets at night. She'd sacrificed her life just last year and it was like everyone had forgotten already.   
  
//Now I will tell you what I've done for you. Fifty thousand tears I've cried!//  
  
Buffy didn't want to sound self-righteous, but she thought she deserved some credit for the job she did. Most kids her age didn't have jobs, let alone Slayer obligations.   
  
//Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for, and you still won't hear me! Going under…//  
  
There was Angel. Angel understood. Angel loved her. Angel made her happy. But did Angel consume her? Did Angel give her that burning passion that struck her gut and forced that buzzing into her brain? No. But he loved her, and that was all that mattered. Sure, her mother and father had had passion, but it burnt out. Hank had left them when that burning and buzzing and consuming had stopped.   
  
//Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself. Maybe I'll wake up for once! Not tormented daily, defeated by you, just when I thought I'd reached the bottom. I'm dying again…//  
  
Buffy turned back the covers to her bed and slid under them, switching off the light as she did. She'd have more time to worry tomorrow.   
  
School the next day was composed of mostly ditching. She actually only went to second and fourth periods, and of course, lunch. After school she had done the usual, hanging out in the library before walking home. At home, she had done the homework she'd gotten from Willow and warmed up next to the TV with a bowl of popcorn. Around dusk, she heard a knocking at the door, and had no doubts of who it could be.   
  
"Angel." she smiled as she opened the door, gesturing him in.   
"Are we still on?"   
"Of course. Just let me do a quick sweep of the graveyards and then we can go."   
"I'll help you." Angel offered, but Buffy shook her head.   
"No, you've done too much. Come to my window in an hour and a half and we'll go." Buffy kissed Angel on the cheek and watched him leave, smiling fondly. He was sweet. But he was not passionate. She loved him, but she did not desire her. She pushed these thoughts away as she climbed the stairs to change into slay-quality clothing.   
  
The night was pretty slow considering it was Friday. Vampires were usually everywhere, expecting to find drunken teenagers and lust-crazed couples cavorting about. Tonight was quiet though, and it perturbed Buffy more than she cared to admit.   
  
//I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever; I've got to break through. I'm going under…//  
  
Buffy didn't even flinch as she staked a lone vamp that was strolling the cemeteries, no doubt looking for a tasty snack. She spun around at the annoyingly familiar British voice…   
"Hello Doll." She cocked her hip and placed her hand on it, tilting her head.  
"Go home Spike. I'm not in the mood." she frowned.   
"Well I'm not in the mood to go home." he fumbled in his pocket for a cigarette.   
"Look, I don't have time for your feeble attempts to kill you."   
"I'm not here to kill you. Just to have a little fag."   
"I knew it! You're gay!" Buffy leered, turning to leave.   
"A smoke. A cigarette, blondie." Buffy dug her boot heel into the ground.   
"Oh." She felt rather stupid. She turned to leave, when a cold hand clamped over her elbow. "Hey, no touching of the jacket. It's genuine leather. " She wrenched her arm away.   
"Doesn't the Slayer want to stay and chat?" Buffy shook her head in disbelief.   
"You have to be kidding me." she turned once again to leave.   
"Wait!"   
"Not waiting!" she called, not looking back.   
"Don't you want to know more about your pansy of a boyfriend?" That got Buffy to stop. With curiosity (of the variety that killed the cat) she stalked back towards him.   
"What?" she narrowed her eyes.   
  
//Blurring and stirring, the truth and the lies, so I don't know what's real and what's not//  
  
"I know stuff. I larked with the ponce for years." Spike smirked. Buffy mildly thought to herself what nice lips he had…how they curled up, just slightly when he was amused. "I can tell you how he maimed girls. How he raped them, how he sucked their pretty little necks with the same lips that he kisses you with…" Buffy slammed her hands over her ears.   
"Shut up! That's not Angel!" she bit her lip and closed her eyes for second, pushing the coming mental images from her brain. Spike mused at the way her lower lip trembled and how she looked as if she may either kill him or cry. She was a good-looking girl; of course he'd known that since he'd first seen her. Powerful, sexy, strong, he'd promised himself he'd do her before killing her. Spike advanced on her, placing a cool hand on her left shoulder.   
"Just remember, he's never yours, pet."   
Buffy was too busy thinking to push his hand away. "How is he never mine?" she gave him one of her 'dontgothereunlessyouwantyourassseverelykicked' looks. Spike smiled, not smirked, smiled. What a yummy thing this Slayer was. Not as nearly delicious as his Dru, but she was certainly a catch.   
"He's always going to have that demon inside of him. I bet he dreams of turning you. He only doesn't because of the bleeding soul, knocking away on that unbeating heart."   
"He, he doesn't. He wouldn't ever…" Buffy trailed off as this sunk in. He was probably right. "I don't care, Spike. Why should you?"   
Spike pushed himself closer to her, his mouth right up to her. "I don't want Angel killing my prey."   
  
//Always confusing the thoughts in my head, so I can't trust myself anymore. I'm dying again! //  
  
"I'm not yours in any sense of the manner Spike." she began to turn away. Spike grabbed her by the shoulders and before could she react, pushed her lips to his. Much to his surprise, she didn't stake him. She relaxed into the kiss, moaning slightly as his tongue caressed her pallet.   
  
//I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever, I've got to break through…//  
  
The kiss stopped, and neither vampire nor slayer dared break the eerie silence that followed.   
  
//So go on and scream, scream at me, I'm so far away. I won't be broken again, I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under. //  
  
It was then that Buffy's foot collided with Spike's stomach, sending him flying backwards onto the ground. "You'll pay for that Slayer!" he called after her as she ran from the cemetery, grumbling curses the whole way.   
  
Buffy didn't stop running until she reached the house. Why had she done that? She couldn't believe she'd let a vampire, Spike no less, kiss her like that. She'd have to tell Angel. No…he wouldn't understand. She'd just been so upset and he'd made it worse and it caught her off guard. She sat at her window trying to excuse away her actions when she glanced down at her watch. Angel would be there in a few minutes. She rifled through her closet and changed into some jeans and a blue blouse. She didn't want to be wearing the clothes she'd worn when she should have been killing Spike, but actually had been kissing him. She glanced into her mirror. Makeup? Check. Hair? Check. She was set to go.   
  
"Buffy?" Angel asked before peeking his head over the window. "Are you decent?"   
Buffy smiled. Angel had always been the gentleman.   
"Yep!" She said cheerfully, trying to mask her guilt. She climbed out of the window and followed Angel as they walked down the street in silence.   
"You look nice tonight." Angel complimented, squeezing her hand.   
"You don't look so bad yourself." Buffy smiled up at him.   
  
They reached the Bronze in a good ten minutes, and luckily it was no cover. Buffy could see Willow and Oz dancing as Xander looked on in jealously. She secretly felt bad for Xander, always being the odd one out. She still felt terrible for rejecting him the past year.   
The night was full of innocent dancing and jokes between the girls as Xander shot disapproving looks at Angel. "I'm spent." Buffy said, walking from the dance floor with Angel over to Willow, Oz, and Xander. Willow nodded in agreement.   
"Want me to walk you girls home?" Angel offered. Buffy nodded appreciatively.   
"Thanks Angel, but I think Oz is going to." Willow smiled happily, taking Oz's arm. Xander tagged along with Willow and Xander and the group broke apart to go home.   
"Thank you for the wonderful evening." Buffy said tenderly, taking Angel's hands in hers as they stopped in front of her house. "I really needed that break." Angel nodded and leaned forward for a kiss. After a drawn out kiss and a few soft caresses, Buffy bid him a sweet goodbye and climbed into her window. It was then that Buffy actually had the time to think about what'd she'd done. She tried to push all the guilt and dirtiness away…only there wasn't any dirtiness. Spike hadn't made her feel sick or wrong. He'd made her feel…hot. Like a bubbling spring in the pit of her stomach, like heat burning in her chest, spreading to the tips of her fingers and toes. He'd made her tremble in ways she'd never dreamed. And she hated that she had to feel guilty for something that felt so good. She closed her eyes and prayed for a tranquil sleep.   
  
::::::: Buffy was walking along a gravel road; dressed in a long, flowing, mint green dress. It was strapless and gauzy, held up only by a satin green ribbon tied about her waist. The train of the dress seemed never-ending, blowing in the breeze like the wings of an angel. Suddenly, raindrops of fire began to fall, causing to the dress to become an inferno. It began to burn, and Buffy's dream-self did not seem to notice. Even as the fire brushed her skin, she kept her steady pace along the road. Suddenly, a male figure appeared in the distance. A black cloud hung over him, shadowing his appearance as raindrops ploughed his pale skin. He came closer to her, his own raindrops grazing her blazing fire and putting it out. Buffy blushed, expecting herself to be naked under the tattered remains of the dress, but she was not. She was surprised at the pink prom dress she wore. It was classic, thick strapped and square necked, but shone in the new sunlight. She looked towards the man, who pulled out a lengthily cord from his pocket and tied it around her delicate wrist. He tied the other end to his own wrist and began to pull her. She followed him down the road, when suddenly two flickering bolts of lighting struck from opposite ends of the sky. One bolt wrapped itself around the man's forearm, the other around her ankle and yanked. The cord snapped, as the two were pulled apart. "Spike!" Buffy's dream-self cried in torment as the storm clouds engulfed him and vanished into thin air.:::::  
  
TBC 


	2. Bring Me To Life

Title: Bring Me To Life (2/11)   
Series: Queen of Dusk  
Author's Name: Riley  
Author's Email and URL: XxBuffyRoxMySoxX@aol.com   
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and UPN own Buffy the Vampire Slayer in totality. Joss Whedon and the WB own Angel: the Series. No profit is made from this piece of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. The song was written and performed by Amy Lee of Evanescence.   
Distribution: To my site, all archives. You are free to take, just let me know  
Rating: R  
Timeline: Season 2, before Angel goes bad, when they are dating. Spike is not in his wheelchair (Dru is not healed), Xander and Cordy are secretly together and Willow and Oz are together. I know that may be a little wonky, but I want it to work.   
Pairing: B/S (B/A at the beginning, but not for long.)   
Feedback: Yes! Please let me know what you thought!   
Summary: Buffy's hurting, she's lonely, and no one understands. She's lost everything she has to live for, or so she thinks. Spike finds something oddly compelling about the Slayer…now if only he could bring her to his side…  
  
The California sun beat down on Buffy's face as she sat, listening to Willow relay every detail about her date with Oz. A slight jealousy burnt through her at the notion that she couldn't say that Angel made her go crazy. He was comfortable, but his touch did not warm her skin. Spike's lips had been so moist…so soft…She mentally slapped herself at remembering that. It was a bad, bad thing for her to do. He was nothing like Angel. He was the big bad, he was evil, and he would never touch a Slayer. *Of course he would. He touched me, didn't me?* Her brain taunted. This morning had been intense, waking up from another terrible dream, the third this week. Why had she dreamed about Spike of all people?   
"Hello? Earth to Buffy?" Willow waved her hand in front of her friend's face.  
"Oh God, sorry Willow. I didn't sleep well last night."   
"Were there post-pubescent fantasies involved in that statement?" Willow grinned.   
"Unfortunately, no. It was more of the nightmare variety." sighed Buffy, hugging her knees to her chest.   
"Oh dreams…er…nightmares! Tell me about it, I could decipher it!" Willow clasped her hands together, looking very much like a therapist.   
"Oh, I don't really remember it." lied Buffy, twisting her head about, as to block Willow's view of her pained face.   
"Dang. I love that kind of stuff." Willow squealed with geeker joy. Buffy rolled her eyes.   
"Sorry Will. Maybe I should keep a dream diary so you can have your merry way with my night terrors."   
  
***  
"Hello kitten." Buffy spun around, stake in hand.   
"Spike? What the hell do you want?" she got ready to tackle him.   
"Let's not be violent, doll."   
"Get the hell out of here before I turn you to dust!" she threatened.   
"I don't recall you having the authority to make me leave." Spike smirked. He loved the way she squirmed when he leered over her.   
"Since I have the stake, I believe I have the authority." she smart-assed.   
"What's gotten up your ass, Slayer?" Spike asked.   
"Why do you say that?!" the stake dropped to her side.   
"Well, you just look tense. Angel not scratching your itch?" Buffy growled, slamming her foot into the ground.   
"How dare you say that!"   
"You aren't denying it." Spike clicked his tongue in disapproval. Buffy shifted her weight to her left side. She couldn't exactly say he was wrong…  
"Angel is great."   
"You haven't even done it yet, have you?!" This was too amusing. Buffy blushed vivid scarlet.   
"I am so not having this discussion with you!"   
"You're all alone, Slayer. Aren't you." Dead on. Buffy could feel tears gathering in her eyes. Will not cry in front of big bad. I am the slayer!   
  
//How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb…//  
  
"I have friends, Spike. Friends who will cheer when they learned how this stake plunged through your unbeating heart!" She charged at him, stake poised and jumped towards him. Buffy managed to tackle him to the ground, her knee between his legs and her stake centimeters from his chest.   
"I smell it, Slayer."   
"What?" Buffy squinted her eyes.   
"It." He narrowed his eyes and pointed towards her nether regions.   
  
//Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold, until you find it there and lead it back home//  
  
"Oh my God, you are such a pervert."   
"So stake me." Buffy pushed the stake to his heart. She couldn't find the heart to do it.   
"Come on, Goldilocks. I don't have all night." She released pressure on the stake.   
"I can't kill you. I kissed you. It's…bad etiquette." Spike snorted.   
"Since when are you concerned with protocol with your arch nemesis?"   
"I don't' generally get forced to kiss them." Buffy defended. Gods, he wanted her. She was so innocent. Was she a…no…she could be…could she?   
"You're a virgin, aren't you?" Spike blurted out, leering. Buffy blushed.   
"No…I'm not…I'm not…" she stammered. "I am NOT having this conversation." she stood up and brushed the grass from her jeans. "Just leave me alone Spike and maybe I won't kill you."   
"You already said you wouldn't." Spike pointed out.   
"I will if I have to." she retorted, punching him on the shoulder. Spike returned her blow with a knock to the face.   
Spike placed a hand to her shoulder and moved his mouth to her ear. "Let go, little girl." he whispered slowly, trailing his hand down her arm.   
  
//Wake me up inside, wake me up inside, call my name and save me from the dark. Bid my blood to run, before I come undone, save me from the nothing I've become//  
  
Buffy froze in her spot. The way he touched her…it sent shivers up her spine. She knew she shouldn't, she knew it was wrong. He would kill her if he could…  
  
//Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me…//  
  
Spike grabbed her chin with his other hand and smashed his lips down on her. He'd been longing to do that since Friday night. Her lips were so soft, so timid, and so warm. His tongue explored her mouth and she managed to gasp into him, her body shuddering at his touch.   
  
//Breathe into me and make me real, bring me to life//  
  
Spike purred against her lips, taking the opportunity to explore her soft curves with his hands. Buffy rocked her hips against his, her hands tightening their grip on his shoulders. Buffy's movement ceased and she pulled away, hands still tangled in his leather coat.   
"Slayer's quite the vixen…" Spike breathed, grinning and licking his lips.   
"Why…didn't you kill me?"   
"I'm not done with you, yet." Spike winked. He wasn't sure he wanted to kill her just now. He longed to play with her, touch those human curves, feel the warmth of a beating heart as she writhed against him. And then maybe he would turn her.   
"You could have. I wasn't paying attention." She took a step backwards.   
"If I didn't know any better, I'd of have thought you wanted me to kill you."   
  
//Wake me up inside, wake me up inside, call my name and save me from the dark. Bid my blood to run, before I come undone, save my from the nothing I've become…//  
  
Buffy looked down at the ground and toyed with the loose grass beneath her booted toe.   
"No, that's not it. Why am I still talking to, when I could end this all with a simple stake?!" she asked herself allowed.   
"My sinister attraction?" Spike asked cockily.   
*Yes Spike, that's exactly it. It's the fact that right now I want to jump your bones. It's not like I have anything to lose…* Buffy thought to herself. What did she have to lose.   
"It's not like I have anything to lose." She voiced the latter part of her thought aloud.   
"Weren't you just proclaiming what awesome friends you have?"   
"Just forget it. Just get out of my life. I'm not going to kill you, and obviously, you aren't killing me anytime soon, so-"   
"Are you so sure?" Spike lunged at her, pushing her against a tree and sliding Buffy's tank top strap aside. "Go ahead, Slayer. Stop me." he laughed, before he vamped out and sunk his fangs into her tan flesh.   
  
//Frozen inside without your touch, without your love. Darling, only you are life among the dead//  
  
Spike could taste the hatred and loss in her blood as he drank it down. He relished in the power of it. Much to his surprise, Buffy gasped in pleasure at the pain and pushed his head harder. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to struggle, she was supposed to cry, not welcome. He'd have to wait until the Slayer had something to live for. He pulled away and pulled the blood from his lips.   
"You didn't stop me."   
"No." She said softly, smearing blood from her neck.   
  
//All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see…//  
  
Buffy regained her balance. "Go back to Dru, Spike. God knows she's crazy enough to love you."   
Spike put on a face of mock hurt. "I'm hurt Slayer, really."   
"Buffy. My name is Buffy." She repeated. "I don't go around calling you Vampire, do I?"   
"Why do you care so much?"   
"It's complicated." Buffy turned to leave.   
  
//Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me//  
  
"I had the dream too." Spike said as she walked away. Buffy turned back.  
  
//I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems…//  
  
Buffy opened and shut her mouth a few times. "Just forget it Spike. It's a weird coincidence."  
  
//Got to open my eyes to everything…//  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow night, Buffy." He put an emphasis on her name.   
"What are you talking about?"   
"You'll be there." He lit a cigarette and put it to his lips and inhaled.   
  
//Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul…//  
  
Buffy didn't answer as Spike exhaled, smoke clouding his beautiful features.   
  
  
//Don't let me die here, there must be something more!//  
  
Spike watched as Buffy turned and walked into the distance, rain beginning to fall and splatter on her leather jacket.   
"You'll be there, Slayer." He whispered to himself before turning and walking from the graveyard.   
  
//Bring me to life// 


	3. Everybody's Fool

Title: Everybody's Fool (3/11)   
  
Series: Queen of Dusk  
  
Author's Name: Riley  
  
Author's Email and URL: XxBuffyRoxMySoxX@aol.com http://www.freewebs.com/queenofdusk Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and UPN own Buffy the Vampire Slayer in totality. Joss Whedon and the WB own Angel: the Series. No profit is made from this piece of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. The song was written and performed by Amy Lee of Evanescence.   
  
Distribution: To my site, all archives. You are free to take, just let me know  
  
Rating: R  
  
Timeline: Season 2, before Angel goes bad, when they are dating. Spike is not in his wheelchair (Dru is not healed), Xander and Cordy are secretly together and Willow and Oz are together. I know that may be a little wonky, but I want it to work.   
  
Pairing: B/S (B/A at the beginning, but not for long.)   
  
Feedback: Yes! Please let me know what you thought!   
  
Summary: Buffy's hurting, she's lonely, and no one understands. She's lost everything she has to live for, or so she thinks. Spike finds something oddly compelling about the Slayer…now if only he could bring her to his side…  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long! It was supposed to be posted on Saturday, but everything got deleted when my computer crashed. I think the second time through turned out better, though. ^_^ Review! It makes chapters come twice as fast!   
  
Buffy bit her lip and entered the school building, dreading having to see and lie to her friends again. She couldn't believe she'd kissed Spike again in the graveyard, and worst of all, enjoyed it! Worst of all, last night she'd had another nightmare. This time, she had been running down a path in the moonlight, when suddenly the moon exploded into tiny bits. Angel had appeared before her then, and she had staked him. Then she had laughed, and then woke up screaming. It was all too complicated for her mind to comprehend. She sure as hell wasn't mad at Angel, so why would she dream about killing him?   
  
"20-32-56," Buffy repeated her locker combination as she twisted the dial. She shoved her bag into the locker and pulled out a few books before heading over to the library.   
  
"Good morning." She smiled tiredly at Giles as she sat down at the table. "Do we need to get into research mode?"   
  
"Actually, no. Demon activity has been quiet the last week-" Giles started.   
  
"Not exactly," Buffy muttered under her breath.   
  
"What was that?"   
  
"Oh nothing." Buffy grumbled, suddenly becoming very interested in the book in front of her.   
  
"Hey, it's the Buffster!" Said Xander cheerily as he and Willow entered the library moments later. "What's shakin?" Buffy chuckled.   
  
"Nothing much, but I gotta run, I have a History test…" Buffy began gathering her materials.   
  
"Do you even know the material?" Willow raised her eyebrows.   
  
"No, but getting an F is better than getting a 0." Buffy pointed out, rushing out the door.   
  
"Trust Buffy to surprise me with logic…" grumbled Willow.   
  
***  
  
Buffy's fingers ran over her stomach, fondling the soft fabric of her new dress. She had just picked it up on her way from school, with some leftover birthday money from her 16th birthday, ages ago. The dress was matte jersey and light pink, a color that Angel had always loved on her. Buffy ran her brush through her hair and slipped into a pair of pink flip-flops before leaving out her window.   
  
"Hey!" She grinned up at Angel, who was standing in the grass below. Angel kissed her forehead lightly and grabbed her hand. "You look nice…a little dressy for patrol, though."   
  
"We're patrolling?" Buffy's grin turned to a frown. "I thought we were going out."  
  
"Giles said we should patrol, even if demon activity is quiet." Angel smiled softly. "I promise we can go out afterwards." Buffy nodded.   
  
"All right." She grasped Angel's hand and they walked silently to the cemetery for a quick sweep.   
  
***  
  
"Oh..oh…really…should…patrol…" Buffy pulled away from her kiss with Angel and straightened herself.   
  
"You're right…I'm sorry. I'll go, I'm a distraction."   
  
"No, no that's not it." She gave him a tender kiss on the forehead and looked down at the grass below her sandaled feet. "Just, no kissing until I'm done."   
  
***  
  
Spike watched the Slayer and soul boy groping at each other from him hiding spot. Buffy pulled away and said something to him as she smoothed her dress. She laughed and bared those brilliantly white teeth.   
  
//Perfect by nature//  
  
Buffy stretched her arms over her head and laughed as Angel followed behind her. Angel leaned over to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Buffy blushed and looked up to him, glancing warily through her eyelashes.   
  
"It's getting harder." She chewed daintily on her lip. Spike momentarily wondered how she got them to taste so good.   
  
"I know." Angel trailed off and clutched her hips. Buffy wriggled from his grasp.   
  
"Not now." She wagged a finger at him and pushed his hands away. "This is distracting, why don't you get home and rest and I'll catch up with you after patrol." Buffy kissed him on the cheek.   
  
"You're right. Sorry." He squeezed her shoulder like a juvenile and turned to go. Buffy waited a minute to make sure Angel had really gone.   
  
"Spike," she whispered harshly "I know you're there, so come on out."   
  
"How'd you know?" Spike asked as he stood and stalked towards her.   
  
"Spider sense." Buffy smiled at her own joke and looked up to see if Spike had. "So what's up with you being my shadow all of a sudden?"   
  
"What's with you not hating it?" Spike turned the spotlight back to her. Buffy cocked her hip and wrapped a petite hand around it. Spike mused over her pink fingernails for a second before turning back to her.   
  
//icons of self indulgence//  
  
"Spike, get out of here before I stake you." she pulled a stake from her skirt.   
  
"How'd you do that?"   
  
"It's a girl thing. NOW, leave." She gripped the stake tighter. For once instant, Spike worshiped the stake. He looked up at her with veneration.   
  
"You two are getting close." He clicked his tongue in disapproval.   
  
"So? It's not like it's any of your business." She looked towards the ground, growing suddenly reticent.   
  
"You're scared." He smirked.   
  
"Why would you say that?" Her eyes shot up to meet his blue ones.   
  
"You're about to lose your virginity to a vampire who's been around since before you were a twinkle in your great ancestors' eye. He's had a lot of experience."   
  
"Angel loves me, he won't care. He doesn't worry about the kind of stuff-" Her tone didn't back up her confident words.   
  
"Then shouldn't you want to impress him?" Buffy shrugged.   
  
"I've read stuff. I'll do fine." She was wringing her hands nervously around her skirt.   
  
"So why are you all dressed up?" Spike changed the subject.   
  
"It's for a date and why are you trying to make small talk?"   
  
"Look, come with me, and I'll help you out." Spike raised an eyebrow suggestively. Buffy snorted.   
  
"Right. How about not? Look, I better go." She turned to leave when Spike grabbed her upper arm.   
  
//Just what we all need…//  
  
"It's not like you have anything to live for, Slayer." Spike growled. He knew exactly where to hit her. Buffy's shoulders slumped and her arm relaxed in his grip.   
  
"You don't think I know that? I know! I know! I know! I know what a pathetic waste of time my life is. You didn't need to remind me!" She screamed, wrenching her arm away and brushing a few tears away.  
  
"For a slayer, you sure are touchy." Buffy shook her head. She straightened her dress before turning on her heel and running from the graveyard.   
  
"Brilliant." Spike muttered, before stalking slowly after her.   
  
//More lies about a world that…//  
  
"Angel? Angel?" Buffy knocked nervously on Angel's door. He swung it open. He ushered her in and gave her a swift kiss on her reddened cheek.  
  
"Are you ok? You look upset." Buffy nodded.   
  
"I'm fine. I just had a rough fight." Angel nodded knowingly before swooping down and giving her a kiss on the lips. Buffy responded, twining her hands to his neck and greeting the hands that met her back. The couple backed into the wall as they kissed, Angel moaning hungrily. Angel's hands traveled to them hem of her dress; Buffy's began unbuttoning the buttons on Angel's shirt. Buffy arched backwards a little bit, noting to herself that her skirt was hiked up around her thighs. She pushed Angel's shirt all the way off, when suddenly the taunting words of Spike came back to her. She broke the kiss and pulled away, pushing her shirt back down.   
  
"I'm-I'm sorry, Angel. I can't do this." She backed away slowly.   
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy. That was out of line." He gave her kiss to the forehead. "You should get home. I'll see you tomorrow." Buffy nodded, her cheeks still flushed and hurried out the door.   
  
"Nice little show, Slayer." Buffy craned her neck, to see Spike standing just a few feet from the door.   
  
"You were watching?"   
  
"Yeah, but I'd of rather watched paint dry. How can you say he gets you hot?"   
  
"I-I never said he got me hot." She confessed.   
  
"Ah, the truth comes out." Spike smacked his lips.   
  
//Never was a never will be, Have you no shame? Don't you see me?//  
  
"Why do you keep following me, Spike?" She did that same stance she had earlier.   
  
"I want to show you things, Slayer. You're living in a fantasy world." Spike longed so much to bring the darkness out in her. His interest in Dru had been slowly fading after she'd cheated on him with a fledgling vamp. His interest in the Slayer increased every time they fought. There was an uncontrollable demon in the girl and if he could bring it out, he'd have a powerful ally.   
  
"Excuse me?"   
  
"I want you. And I know you want me. Who doesn't?" Spike smirked cockily.   
  
"You are so high on yourself! Get your head out of your ass and leave me alone."   
  
"You'd like to see that, wouldn't you?"   
  
*Dirty thoughts…bad Buffy….* Buffy shifted. "You're disgusting."   
  
"How's about this…we make a pact?"   
  
"What kind of pact?" Buffy was getting suspicious.   
  
"You don't attack me, I don't attack you." *This is going just as planned*   
  
"Why? How does that change anything?" *He's insane*  
  
"I've got information on most demons and you can keep me safe." *She's totally buying this. Now all I have to do is reel her in and she'll be an easy kill*   
  
"You'll help me with my work?"   
  
"Yeah. Actually, there's a new pack in town of vamps. They call themselves the Order of Doctarius." Spike wasn't lying about this.  
  
//You know you've got everybody fooled//  
  
"Ok. No killing of each other. But if you so much as touch my friends or family, I will stake you, no hesitation." *He's totally buying it.*  
  
"Fine. No killing of your little faction." Spike chuckled to himself. Tonight was going great.   
  
"About this 'Order of Doctarius', are they dangerous?"   
  
"You're about to find out." Spike pointed behind her. Buffy swung her head around to see almost fifteen vampires approaching them.   
  
//Look! Here she comes now!//  
  
Buffy pulled her stake out and charged at the vampires. The first one was obviously a fledgling as he was easily staked.   
  
"Get off your ass and help me!" Buffy called back to Spike. She regretted that lapse of judgment as a sharp fingernail collided with her cheek, drawing blood. She shoved her foot into one of them. It was incredibly hard to fight in a short dress. A hand heaved her backwards and she landed on the grass with a thump. Strong arms behind her pulled her up and Spike whispered into her ear.   
  
"There, I helped." Buffy shot him a disapproving look before pulling the stake up by her shoulder and driving it into a vampire coming right at her. She could see Spike fighting, from the corner of her eye. There were only about three left, but they looked like the strongest. One male, who looked like he'd been vamped in his late twenties, tackled her and bit down on her neck. Buffy arched backwards and kneed him in the crotch, gaining the leverage on him to impel the stake into his heart. He burst into dust just as another vampire grabbed her by the shoulders and flipped her back. She landed flat on her back, the vampire straddling her. She slugged him across the face, gasping only slightly at the pain of a knife being dug into her shoulder.   
  
"So now you guys have weapons? Kind of tacky, actually." She grabbed the knife and flipped it around, slitting the vampires throat and thrusting it upwards with her hips at the same time. She looked up in surprise and watched as Spike dusted the last vampire.   
  
"That was an embarrassment to my kind, luv." Spike smirked a bit, before leaning over to help her up. "You're bleeding. Come back to my place and I'll help you clean up."   
  
"Why are you helping me?" Buffy asked warily as she limped alongside Spike.   
  
"Can't have my Slayer dying of blood loss. Unless of course, it's due to me." He was telling the truth. It'd be a waste of murder for her to die like this.   
  
"And what about Dru?"   
  
"Oh, she'll be out with another vampire about this time. She bribes all sorts into killing for her. She'll come back to me."   
  
"I find the way you won't give up on her kind of-" Buffy started.   
  
"Charming?" Spike smiled.   
  
"Um, I was going to say creepy, but sure." She winced as her bleeding wound brushed Spike's shoulder.   
  
"Here we are." He showed her into an abandoned house towards the edge of the graveyard and gestured her to sit down.   
  
"Where is here?" Buffy rubbed her arm across her forehead, smearing a bit of blood across it.   
  
"It's a house."   
  
"I KNOW that."  
  
"It's just an empty house I like to go to when Dru grates on my nerves, happy?" Buffy flashed him a smile.   
  
"Perfectly." She gyrated her shoulder and groaned at the pain. Spike handed her a clean cloth that he'd soaked in the faucet. Buffy ran it over her shoulder and collarbone, shivering at its chill. "Um, couldn't you use warm water?" Buffy looked up at him.  
  
"Beggars can't be choosers."   
  
"I did NOT beg! You insisted." Buffy bit her lip to keep herself for hurling her fist at him.   
  
//Bow down and stare in wonder//  
  
Spike clicked his tongue. "Anyhow, I haven't been paying the water bills, of course, and the hot water has been cut off. So sue me." Buffy cocked her head.   
  
"You know what your problem is?" Spike chuckled.   
  
"What?"   
  
"You're too concerned with being the Big Bad. You should really just focus on un-living and surviving." Buffy twirled a piece of hair around her finger. "You got anything to eat around here?"   
  
"Not unless you like blood, love." Spike opened the fridge and waved a mug of blood in her face. "Just in case." Buffy scooted backwards.   
  
"Sick." She moved the cloth to her face, feeling caked blood on her cheek.   
  
//Oh how we love you. No lies when you're pretending. But now I know she…//  
  
"Not to me." Spike flashed her a toothy grin. "Hey, would you mind…sharing that cloth when you are done?"   
  
"Eww! No!" Buffy crumpled the damp cloth into her fist.   
  
"It would hold me off from feeding…" Spike taunted, morphing into vamp face and then back. Buffy sighed.   
  
"I guess. But if you even think about getting more, this stake will reach your heart through your ass." She handed him the bloodstained cloth.   
  
//Never was and never will be. You don't know how you've betrayed me…and somehow you've got everybody fooled//  
  
Spike held the cloth to his nose and sniffed. Heavenly. He began lapping at the red stains, his vamp face taking control of him. Buffy held her head in her hands, refusing to watch. *Slayer blood, no, Buffy blood is like a drug* Spike cleaned off the cloth and tossed it into the waste bin.   
  
"Can I look again?" Buffy grumbled from her hands.   
  
"You could have looked anytime, doll. Some girls find it a turn on."   
  
"Eww. I'm not vampiress, Spike. Are you done?"   
  
"Yeah." Buffy's head shot up and her face took on a repulsed look as Spike cleaned blood from his lips.   
  
//Without the mask, where will you hide?//  
  
"Why-why aren't we killing each other?" Buffy's voice trembled as she wrung her skirt between her fingers. Spike shrugged and pulled up a chair next to Buffy.   
  
"Maybe you're too attracted to me and vice versa." Spike pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, bringing it to his lips. Buffy turned her head to hide her blushing cheeks. She let her eyes graze his sharp features for a second before returning to his eyes.   
  
"Tell me why I didn't have sex with Angel tonight."   
  
"You expect me to know?" He chuckled and took a puff from his cigarette.   
  
"No one else does." She smiled softly. Spike looked down at the floor. Where was the fiery, vibrant Slayer he'd fought only months ago? Where was that smile that had brought on previously unwanted dreams? His cigarette fell the floor and he stamped it out. Her eyes fluttered to close for a second before she gripped the edge of the couch. "Do you realize my whole life is a lie?" She opened her eyes again and let a single tears trickle over the bulge of her cheek and down her chin. She bowed her neck forwards to concentrate on her trembling knees. Spike didn't contemplate what he was about to do as he reached forward to caress her tiny hand. She gripped his fingers and pulled them closer, body shaking with unadulterated sobs.   
  
//Can't find yourself? Lost in your lie?//  
  
Buffy leaned forwards and rested her forehead on Spike's slumped shoulder. *Why am I comforting the thing I want to kill?* Spike briefly asked himself. Before he could reason his way out of it, she had snuggled her body into his chest, pushing all regret away.   
  
*What am I doing?* The thought pounded into Buffy's cerebrum over and over as she sobbed into Spike, scorching tears soaking through his black tee-shirt. *Most of all…why is he doing this?* Buffy gasped as she felt Spike's hands on her cheeks. *He's going to kill me*. He pulled her face towards his and kissed her softly, salty tears mixing in with saliva.   
  
//I know the truth now//  
  
Spike probed gently at her mouth, hot tears still streaming down her cheeks. Buffy moaned at the sensation on her lips and his hands that were traveling up her waist.   
  
//I know who you are//  
  
Buffy shuddered as a picture of Angel flitted into her mind. He would hate her. Everyone would hate her. For once in her life, she didn't care.  
  
//And I don't love you anymore//  
  
Spike's hands moved under her shirt and over her belly button, middle finger dipping into it. Buffy laughed a little, but the laugh turned into another sob. She bit her lip and looked up at him. She smiled softly, before slipping her hands around his neck to kiss him once more.   
  
//It never was and never will be//  
  
The tears ceased, the room lost all indifference, and for just an instant, Spike cared. They did not talk, they only kissed, assertive hands discovering each other's bodies and eyes fluttering open every few seconds.   
  
//You're not real and you can't save//  
  
Buffy's tears started again the kissing and petting grew more intense. Buffy arched her back and brought her lips to Spike's ear, "I'm awake."  
  
//Somehow now, you're everybody's fool//  
  
TBC 


	4. My Immortal

Title: My Immortal (4/11)   
  
Series: Queen of Dusk  
  
Author's Name: Riley  
  
Author's Email and URL: XxBuffyRoxMySoxX@aol.com http://www.freewebs.com/queenofdusk Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and UPN own Buffy the Vampire Slayer in totality. Joss Whedon and the WB own Angel: the Series. No profit is made from this piece of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. The song was written and performed by Evanescence.   
  
Distribution: To my site, all archives. You are free to take, just let me know  
  
Rating: R  
  
Timeline: Season 2, before Angel goes bad, when they are dating. Spike is not in his wheelchair (Dru is not healed), Xander and Cordy are secretly together and Willow and Oz are together. I know that may be a little wonky, but I want it to work.   
  
Pairing: B/S (B/A at the beginning, but not for long.)   
  
Feedback: Yes! Please let me know what you thought!   
  
Summary: Buffy's hurting, she's lonely, and no one understands. She's lost everything she has to live for, or so she thinks. Spike finds something oddly compelling about the Slayer…now if only he could bring her to his side…  
  
//I'm so tired of being here//  
  
Hot and cold, soft and hard, anger and fear. The kissing ceased while both parties considered what they'd just done. They'd almost had sex. Buffy peeled her fingers out from under Spike's shirt and brought them to her tingling lips. Spike stared at her in silence and slowly removed his hands from her waist. Buffy moved stray hairs from her face and looked up at Spike.   
  
"Good, wasn't it?" Spike was quiet, but cocky as ever. Buffy half smiled. Then she nodded.   
  
"I'm sorry if I was terrible." Her eyes darted to the floor. Spike shook his head.   
  
"You're not terrible, just been kissing the wrong vampire." He smirked a little at this. Buffy shrugged and rubbed her left eye.   
  
"Angel is going to be so mad at me." Buffy almost started crying again.   
  
"Would you bloody stop thinking about Angel for a second?" Spike grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. Buffy was in shock and could only mutter a soft apology.  
  
"Why?" Buffy's eyes shot up to Spike's, and then dropped to his lips.   
  
"Why did I kiss you?" Buffy nodded and wiped an oncoming tear away.   
  
"Because I wanted to." He looked down at her from his height. "And your darkness…it was screaming to be let out." Buffy shuddered and recoiled from a brush of his finger against her cheek.   
  
"Don't." She pulled her knees to chest and rested her face on them.   
  
"Why shouldn't I?" Spike knew plenty of reasons why not; he'd been counting them since he'd first kissed her. But, her darkness sang to him, taunting him.   
  
"It's wrong. They'll all hate me." She looked so innocent, so unlike a slayer. For the first time, she looked like a sixteen-year-old girl. Spike slid his hands under her arms and pulled her to stand.   
  
"There are so many things I want to show you." He smirked a little and trailed his hand over her right arm.   
  
"You-you love Dru." Buffy's eyes darted to the ground. He tipped her chin upwards.   
  
"You love Angel."   
  
"Yes…" Buffy chewed on her bottom lip.   
  
"But Dru isn't what I need."   
  
"You're a killer."   
  
"True. And so are you."   
  
"I am NOT a killer." She said defiantly and broke her arm from his grasp.   
  
"Not to humans, you aren't. But to all the demons you are. We're running the same tract, Buffy." He leered down at her. His face softened and he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.   
  
"I-I just need time to think. I'll come by here tomorrow…today…at nightfall." She smiled painfully and left.  
  
***  
  
It was almost dawn and Buffy yawned, stretching her arms over her head. She was scared, almost trembling at what had happened. It took a lot to scare a slayer. She quickened her pace, hoping beyond hope that her mother wouldn't catch her.   
  
//Suppressed by all this childish fear//  
  
Buffy's bed seemed like her safe haven as she curled up under the covers, praying for dreamless sleep.  
  
::Waves crashed along an empty beach, sending sand out in ripples. A small child of about six or seven played in the sand, sculpting sand castles with his tiny hands. Buffy approached, smiling at his innocent nature. The child looked up, eyes wide with horror, and screamed. He ran from her, arms flailing in his attempt to get away. Buffy crouched in the sand and began to cry. Suddenly in the distance, Spike picked the child up and hugged him tightly. The child began to laugh, before starting towards Buffy, arms open wide. Suddenly, the pair burst into hot, consuming flames..::  
  
Buffy shot up out of bed. She pushed hair out of her eyes and looked around the room. She knew this routine far too well. She would stare around the room, trying to sleep, until it was too light outside to sleep comfortably. Not exactly wanted to repeat this, she pushed her comforter down her legs and hurried downstairs.   
  
Buffy poured milk into a mug that read "My Mom's The Best" in her six-year-old scrawl. She popped it into the microwave. Supposedly, warm milk helped you sleep. She thought she'd try it out for once. She grabbed a slice of bread from the bread bag and bit into it. The microwave beeped loudly and she pulled out the warm milk.   
  
Images of Spike played into her mind as she tried to relax. She felt guilty inside, but in a way, the thought of Spike brought comfort to her. Angel flashed into her thoughts at this point and she groaned. What was she going to do? She put her mug in the dishwasher and started upstairs. As she reached her room, she heard a sound of footsteps.   
  
"Angel?" Angel was entering her room through her window.   
  
"Hey." He smiled warily down at her.   
  
"What are you doing here?" She wrung her pinkies in the waistband of her pajama pants.   
  
"I came to check on you."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Are you-" Buffy cut him off.   
  
"I don't need you to check up on me, Angel. I am almost seventeen." She bit her lip and pointed to the window. Angel pursed his lips.   
  
"Sorry." He swung his head down and headed towards the window.   
  
"Bye." Buffy mumbled as she watched him climb out and away. She was burning with anger. Anger at Angel…why was she angry with him? She was resentful that he treated her like a child. He loved her, but was he good for her? She closed the window and turned off the lights. She didn't feel like thinking anymore.   
  
***  
  
//And if you have to leave//  
  
"Spike?" Buffy knocked on the door of the abandoned house. "Spike? Are you in there?" She swung the door open, morning light invading the dark house.   
  
"Watch it." Spike recoiled from the burst of light. Buffy shut the door behind her and leaned on it. "You're here early." He looked her up and down and smiled.   
  
"Yeah." Buffy shrugged and shuffled her feet.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"I didn't have anywhere else to go." She looked up, tears sparkling in her green eyes.   
  
"School?" Spike glanced at the ceiling.   
  
"Didn't want to go." She shrugged and sat down on the couch next to Spike.   
  
"Wasn't much for education in my day either, pet." Buffy's hand crawled over the couch and into his. Spike squeezed it, bringing it to his chest.   
  
"This is so messed up." Buffy curled into the couch, bowing her head to rest on Spike's shoulder. "I don't trust you." Her head shot up and her eyes met his.   
  
"Don't." Spike grimaced and forced his stare forwards.  
  
  
  
//I wish that you would just leave//  
  
Buffy tossed her leg over Spikes, drawing herself over his waist. She hugged her arms around his neck. Spike grabbed her shoulder and pulled her upper body towards him. Buffy sighed into his mouth, kissing him hungrily.   
  
"So much to show you." Moaned Spike, hoisting her higher. Buffy arched into him, and kissing her way up his chiseled cheekbone. Spike reached her hands up and around the back of her neck and into her tangles of hair. Buffy titled her head and slid her hands up his bare arms and to the collar of his black tee shirt. Spike slid his cool hands down the back of her neck, causing Buffy to shudder and moan into his mouth. He reached the edge of her tank top and slid it up her flat torso, sliding it over her chest and head. Buffy shook it from her arms and dropped it behind herself. Her hands were already fumbling with the turn-up of his tees shirt, pushing it up his abdomen as she struggled to get closer to him. Spike let out an unnecessary gasp as he felt her fingers trailing down his abs. She pressed her lips to his neck and pulled back, cheeks blood red.   
  
"I-I don't know how to do this." She shot her eyes downward and tucked a strand of mussed hair behind her ear. Spike kissed her on the lips possessively.   
  
"You're doing fine." He smirked and moved his hands to the button of her jeans. He popped the button out and slid down the zipper. Buffy struggled out of her jeans, at the same time trying to assist Spike in getting out of his own pants. Buffy stood up and backed away, playing nervously with the straps of her underwear.   
  
"Scared." Was all she could mutter. Everything in her world was begging her not to do it, but for some reason she didn't WANT to listen.   
  
//Because your presence still lingers here//  
  
Spike stood to take in the full view of Buffy, and gently gripped her hips. For his first time, he was truly going to taste the essence of a Slayer. He grabbed the straps from her shaky fingers and pushed them down her hips. Buffy smiled thankfully and silently apologized for her lack of experience. She stood for a second, pondering on the thought that was coursing in every vessel of her body. Was this the same Spike who had tried to kill her only months ago? "Why? You want me dead…" She cocked her hip. Spike strained for a second, obviously very anxious and not happy that he was being made to wait.   
  
"I wanted you dead only because I didn't fathom the darkness you had inside, girl. I'm not going to become some noble vampire if that's what you are expecting. I'm same old Spike, shagging the Slayer." Buffy swallowed.   
  
"I can handle that." She watched as the corners of his mouth quirked up a little, right before he grabbed her face fiercely and kissed her hungrily.   
  
//And it won't leave me alone…//  
  
Buffy arched backwards with the pressure of Spike's kiss. He ran his fingers up her sides and over her stomach, moving his lips to gently suckle her jugular. She heard a growl as Spike vamped out, moving his mouth from her neck. He moved to a less dangerous place, her stomach. Buffy held his head down to her stomach, shivering at the feelings coursing through her. She'd wanted Angel, but she'd never felt anything so intense or deep. It was as if someone was drilling right through her chest. Buffy pulled him up and back to her mouth. Spike maneuvered her body through the hallway and into the bedroom, which was empty, save for the linen-free bed. Spike grabbed her by the mid-back and she went limp in his grip. He carried her over to the bed and set her on it, propping one knee on the bed.   
  
"I don't hate you." Buffy looked up at him, her eyes watering gently.   
  
Spike smiled softly. "I don't hate you either, pet. Let's dance." He pushed into her, never breaking his locked gaze with Buffy. Her eyes filled with tears and a single one slid down her cheek.   
  
//These wounds won't seem to heal//  
  
"You alright, love?" Spike pulled out of her and arched an eyebrow. Buffy nodded and grabbed his shoulders, forcing him back down. Suddenly realization sunk into Spike and he almost let out a whoop of joy. The Slayer had given him her most precious gift, her virginity. Buffy arched her hips until her hipbones were knocking lazily against his. Buffy gasped slightly, whispering his name as he trailed his cool tongue over his collarbone and over the rise of her breasts. Buffy bit down into his shoulder. *Biting me…* Was all Spike could muster to think as he ground his shoulder into her mouth.   
  
//This pain is just too real//  
  
And then it all stopped. Both of them collapsed on one another, adrenaline rushing from their peaks and kissing hungrily. Spike pulled out of her and rolled over next to her, arm still stretched out over her hips. Buffy breathed heavily, wiping sweat from her forehead. Spike looked over at her as she began to shake.   
  
"What's wrong, baby?" Buffy could barely register that he'd called her such an endearing term. Tears were collecting in her eyes as she clenched the bed. Spike shook her by the shoulder. She rolled over and buried her head near his armpit, curling up next to him. Spike pulled both his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. She was fully bawling now, hot tears streaming over his white skin.   
  
"I'm sick! I'm perverse! What's wrong with me?" She curled tighter and convulsed heavily.   
  
  
  
//There's just too much that time cannot erase//  
  
Spike rubbed her back and soothed her until she went silent. "You aren't." Was all he could think to say as she relaxed in his arms. Buffy pushed his arms away and sat up.   
  
"Oh my God." She stood up and moved her hands to cover her nakedness. "I-I can't do this."   
  
"You already did it." Spike pointed up, sitting up.   
  
"I…" she hesitated on her words before running into the front room to grab her clothes. She pulled them on just as Spike came in after her.   
  
"You can't leave." Spike looked her up and down angrily. Buffy shook her head and ran a hand through her tousled hair.   
  
"I can." She opened the door and ran out, knowing full well that Spike couldn't follow into the light. Spike cursed and slammed his hand into the wall.   
  
Buffy didn't stop running until she reached the house. For the first time, she was happy that her mother wasn't a stay at home mom. She unlocked the front door and ran inside.   
  
//When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears//  
  
Buffy slammed the door behind her and leaned back on the door. She'd given herself to a vampire without a soul. She banged the back of her head against the wood door and moaned loudly. Spike didn't love her and she didn't love Spike. But she didn't hate Spike, not the way she had months ago. Had she even hated him then? She sunk to the floor, tears sliding down her cheeks.  
  
//When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears//  
  
Buffy swore she could feel her insides tearing apart in her confusion as she sobbed. She looked up towards the clock. It was two o'clock. Her friends would be out of school in thirty minutes. Maybe she could talk to them. No, she couldn't tell them. Buffy stood and straightened her jeans. How was she going to explain to her mother and Giles about not being at school. She coughed. Right, sick. She felt sick on the way to school and had turned back. That would be an ok lie.   
  
Up in her room, Buffy changed into her sushi pajamas and slicked back her hair with water. She checked in the mirror. Perfect, she looked sick as a dog. She climbed under the covers of her bed, sure that someone would be checking on her.   
  
//And I've held your hand through all of these years//  
  
Sure enough, she heard a knock on the front door as soon as two forty-five came around. She got up and rubbed her eyes. She opened the door and coughed just a little for effect. Willow and Xander were there, peeking in the door.   
  
"Buffy? Are you ok?" Willow entered the room cautiously.   
  
"I'm ok." She cleared her throat and tried to make her voice scratchier. "I've just come down with something."  
  
"Must be a serious something if it's catching up with the Slayer." Xander noted, grabbing her arm as she stumbled a little bit. "We'll help you upstairs."   
  
"You guys are so sweet." Buffy smiled guiltily as Xander handed her a bag of cheetos and Willow propped her pillows.   
  
"I'll tell Giles to cover patrolling tonight." Willow smiled softly. "Do you want me to stay?" Buffy shook her head.   
  
"No, it's fine, Will. But would you let Giles know that I'll be fine to patrol tomorrow night?" Willow nodded and grabbed the glass of Coke from Xander.   
  
"Coke, sugar calms the tummy."   
  
"You're too smart." Buffy smiled as she sipped on the glass.   
  
"Does Angel know you aren't patrolling tonight?" Xander asked.   
  
"Oh God, I forgot about that. Will you let him know?" Xander and Willow nodded and left the room. Buffy stuffed a cheeto in her mouth and chew thoughtfully. She felt so guilty for lying to her friends, but they couldn't know. They would never know, because it wasn't ever happening again.   
  
//But you still have all of me//  
  
Buffy couldn't sleep. *Does anyone know what its like?* She wondered as she got up to get some water. It was then she realized what had been annoying her. Someone was pounding on the door.   
  
"Angel?" She opened the door in surprise.   
  
"Buffy? Are you ok? Willow told me you were sick." Buffy nodded and beckoned him in.   
  
"I'm fine. I'm just kind of out of it. Come upstairs." She led him up into her room and crawled back under the covers. Angel pulled over a chair and sat down next to her.   
  
"Where's your mother?"   
  
"She's working late at the gallery." Buffy peeked up from the comforter. "You don't have to stay if you'd rather…"   
  
"No." Angel cut her off. "I want to be with you." Buffy blushed and smiled. He loved her so much and she truly cared for him. She just wasn't sure what she wanted anymore.   
  
//You used to captivate me//  
  
Angel planted a small kiss on her forehead.   
  
"Don't. You'll get sick."   
  
"Vampire."   
  
"Oh yeah." Buffy hadn't forgotten…how could she? She snuggled into the covers and tried to hide the tears filling her eyes. Buffy sat up and pushed her covers down her legs. Angel moved over to sit on the bed.   
  
"I love you, Buffy." He smiled down at her tiny frame.   
  
"I love you." She let him kiss her softly on the lips. A chaste kiss became a more passionate one, Angel's hands traveling up under her pajama top. She pushed him away. *So you can give it up for Spike, but not Angel?* The voice in her head taunted.   
  
//By your resonating light//  
  
Spike watched in seething anger from the ground. How could she sleep with him and then go back to Angel like it was no big deal? He watched as she pushed him away. *That's my girl. Whoa. When did she become my girl?* Spike shrugged off his own thoughts and kept watching. She hesitated, doing that cute biting her lip thing as she contemplated her next moves.   
  
//But now I'm bound by what you left behind//  
  
*Trying to prove herself, eh?* Mused Spike as she pulled Angel's head back towards hers and kissed him deeply. *Must have lockjaw.* He joked as he noticed that she definitely did not kiss him like she'd kissed only hours ago.   
  
//Your face haunts my once pleasant dreams//  
  
Buffy winced as the image of Spike nipping at her collarbone floated into her mind. It was amazing that that simple picture could excite her, while Angel's kisses did nothing but feel like kisses.   
  
//Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me//  
  
Buffy ended the kiss and hugged Angel. "My mother will be home in about a half an hour. I'll see you later." Angel nodded and obediently left.   
  
"Slayer…" Spike called as he scaled the house, hoping Angel was too dim to see him. Buffy leaned out the window. "What are you doing here?"   
  
"You have multiple personalities?" Questioned Spike as he hopped into the room. "One minute you're moaning my name, the next you're kissing that poof."   
  
//These wounds won't seem to heal//  
  
"Spike, just go. She straightened her pajama top and looked up at him defiantly. "I have had too much of the both of you in one day."   
  
//This pain is just too real//  
  
Spike lifted one eyebrow. "You didn't enjoy earlier?" Buffy blushed and moved her gaze from his eyes to his chest.   
  
//There's just too much that time cannot erase//  
  
"I-I did." She looked back up at him. "God, this is just so DAMN complicated!" She flung her hands in the air, knocking her cop from the bedside table. She leaned over to pick it up and felt a cool hand on her back.   
  
//When you cried, I'd wipe away all your tears, when you'd scream I'm fight away all your fears//  
  
"Fine. I'll just go back to Dru then." Spike moved his hand from her back and straightened. Buffy shot up. "No."  
  
//And I've held your hand through all of these years//  
  
"And who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do?" Spike turned to leave. Buffy grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled, "Sleeping, please don't disturb" on it. She tacked it on her door, closed it, and locked it. "You can stay." She hunched her shoulders over and climbed into the bed.   
  
//But you still have all of me//  
  
Spike smiled softly (one of the few times he did) and crawled into the other side of the bed, hand automatically traveling up under the shirt, coming to rest on her stomach.   
  
//I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone//  
  
"You're always so hot." Spike smirked.   
  
"You're always so cold." Buffy clasped her hand over his.   
  
//And though you're still with me//  
  
Buffy sighed and curled up within Spike's arms. Spike held her tighter and he swore that he loved the girl, right then and there. But he knew she'd never love him, and he didn't care.   
  
// I've been alone all along//  
  
TBC 


	5. Haunted

Title: Haunted (5/11)   
  
Series: Queen of Dusk  
  
Author's Name: Riley  
  
Author's Email and URL: XxBuffyRoxMySoxX@aol.com http://www.freewebs.com/queenofdusk Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and UPN own Buffy the Vampire Slayer in totality. Joss Whedon and the WB own Angel: the Series. No profit is made from this piece of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. The song was written and performed by Evanescence.   
  
Distribution: To my site, all archives. You are free to take, just let me know  
  
Rating: R  
  
Timeline: Season 2, before Angel goes bad, when they are dating. Spike is not in his wheelchair (Dru is not healed), Xander and Cordy are secretly together and Willow and Oz are together. I know that may be a little wonky, but I want it to work.   
  
Pairing: B/S (B/A at the beginning, but not for long.)   
  
Feedback: Yes! Please let me know what you thought!   
  
Summary: Buffy's hurting, she's lonely, and no one understands. She's lost everything she has to live for, or so she thinks. Spike finds something oddly compelling about the Slayer…now if only he could bring her to his side…  
  
//Long lost words whisper to me//  
  
Buffy could hear an insistent knocking on the door and her mother's voice calling her.   
  
"Buffy! Honey? You up?" Buffy swung an arm in the air, gasping as it slapped on bare skin. Spike was curled next to her in only his jeans, watching her in awe. Buffy recoiled.   
  
"Oh my God. I have to get ready for school." She stood and ran over to the closet. She pulled out three dresses and held them up to herself in the mirror.   
  
"Too slutty." She tossed the spaghetti strapped, pink dress to the floor. "Too warm." The turtle necked dress was discarded and shoved under the bed. She held up the last one, a yellow skirt and tank top set. "Does this work?" She spun around. *I am actually asking for Spike's fashion advice. God save us.* Spike shook his head.   
  
"Too bright."   
  
"You would think so." Buffy rolled her eyes, but for some reason, tossed the dress on the floor.   
  
"How about that one?" Spike pointed to a deep purple shirt that was flung lazily over the bar in her closet. Buffy picked it up. It was a dark, royal purple, with off-the-shoulder sleeves and ties in the back. She picked up a jean skirt and held it up next to it.   
  
"I'd rather you not in it…but sure." He rolled his tongue over his teeth and titled his head suggestively. Buffy smirked a little and began to change out of her pajamas. Spike watched her every movement like a cat as she put on the shirt and skirt, rushing over to the mirror to apply makeup and put her hair up.   
  
"Do I get to see you tonight?" Spike was propped on his elbows on the bed. Buffy shook her head furiously.   
  
"I don't know." She zipped up the pair of black boots and sprayed on some perfume.   
  
"What kind of answer is that?" Spike sat up and leaned against the headboard.   
  
"The only one you're getting. Just…don't go out. I really don't need a pile of ashes on my conscience. Hide in the closet or something." A stab of pain hit Buffy's chest as she remembered how Angel had done that for her last year. *Angel…*  
  
Spike scoffed. "Hide in the closet? I'll find a way home. I need to make sure Dru isn't worried." Buffy bit her lip in jealousy.   
  
"Bye." Buffy unlocked her bedroom door and slammed it, leaving Spike alone.   
  
***  
  
"Miss Summers?" Buffy swung her head up from where it has been rest on her arms.   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"I asked you to tell the class what we should all be remembering tonight." Mrs. Lorenz peered over her cat eyeglasses.   
  
"Um…" Buffy looked over to Willow for help. Willow began to mouth.   
  
"I didn't ask Miss Rosenburg, Buffy. I asked you." Mrs. Lorenz was growing irritated.   
  
"I don't know." Buffy fumbled with the zipper on her purse. Mrs. Lorenz sighed.   
  
"There will be a review today after school. You'll get ten extra credit points on the test tomorrow just for coming. Some of us-" she peered down at Buffy. "Need it more than others." She turned and went back to blackboard. She wrote the word Condoms in thick black marker on the board. "Condoms are the most popular contraceptive. There are two more popular varieties, animal hide and latex." Mrs. Lorenz pulled out a box of Trojan- her pleasure condoms from a grocery bag on her desk. She opened it out and pulled out the condom.   
  
"This is the large size." She winked, waving it in the air in front of her. "John?" She motioned towards one of the football players in the back of the room. John came forward. "Can you please hold out how many fingers you think would match the size of your penis and we will see what condom fits the average male?" John grinned cockily and held out his fist. Buffy snickered. *Yeah, my ass.* Mrs. Lorenz raised her eyebrows and stuffed the condoms back into her bag.   
  
"Now kids…remember to tie the condom before tossing it out the car window. If you don't, some poor fellow will have to come upon a little liquid trail on the street." Buffy could feel her cheeks burning. *She's insane…*   
  
The bell rang and Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. All that talking about sex had made Spike pop into her already occupied brain. She rolled her left shoulder. This was not good.   
  
"Earth to Buffy…" Willow waved a hand in front of her best friend's face.   
  
"Wha? Oh, sorry Will. I had a long night. I mean, after being sick and all." Willow nodded understandingly.   
  
"Are you feeling better?" Buffy nodded.   
  
"Yeah. I'm still kind of tired. At least I can patrol now."   
  
"Oh crap! I forgot to tell you…" Willow slapped a hand to her forehead.   
  
"What?"   
  
"Giles wants you to go to the library during lunch. He said there was something he needed to discuss with you." Buffy nodded and groaned internally. She really didn't need one of his missions right now.   
  
"Thanks. I'll see you next period." She smiled and turned the opposite way, towards her next class.  
  
***  
  
It was lunch, and Buffy's stomach was grumbling in hunger. Too bad she wouldn't have time to eat. Ah, the snack machine. Fundamental food of the average American teenager. She pushed in several coins and got her chocolate bar.   
  
"Giles?" She pushed the door to the library open.   
  
"Buffy." Giles hurried over from the counter.   
  
"What's the matter? You're all freaky." Buffy sat down in a chair at the table.   
  
"There's no need to panic, but we do have a…predicament." Giles cleaned his glasses. "I know we've been lacking in your hunting lately, but I'm extremely worried about Spike and Drusilla. Supposedly, boxes have been coming into shipping docks containing the body part of the Judge.   
  
"Body parts? Major eww. And who's this Judge?"   
  
"He's the mythical killer of humans. He can literally burn someone from the inside, Buffy. A fledgling confessed on my patrol last night that Drusilla was planning to put him back together…it can be done."  
  
"What do I do?"   
  
"You need to kill Spike and Drusilla before they can finish. Then gather all the body parts and bring them to me. You need to do it tonight."  
  
"Can't I do it later?"   
  
"Buffy, don't you want to get it done before your birthday?"   
  
"How could I have forgotten?" Buffy slapped her forehead. It was Monday afternoon; her birthday would be the next Monday. "And you want me to-to kill Spike?" Giles opened his mouth to speak. "Spike a-and Drusilla?" Buffy corrected herself.   
  
"Precisely. They're holed up in a factory downtown."  
  
"Yeah. I'll get on it, right after school." Buffy nodded and slammed down her book, leaving the library.   
  
***  
  
//Still can't find what keeps me here//  
  
"Spike?" Buffy swung open her bedroom door, craning her neck to look for the blonde vampire. He was nowhere to be seen, but her window was unlocked and a sheet was missing from her bed. "Shit, shit, shit." Buffy pounded her fist on the wall. She turned back out of the house and started towards the factory that Giles had told her about. She quickened her pace, beginning to run. She prayed he wouldn't be there.   
  
She reached the door to the factory and the hairs on the back of her neck prickled. Vampires were there. She creaked the door and peeked her head in. She could only see Drusilla, who was spinning in a gothic-style dress and blabbering about some party she was to have. A pile of boxes was set in the corner.   
  
"Ooh…" Dru squealed, patting the boxes. "We're going to have so much fun!" She jumped up and down like a little girl, wrapping her arms around the largest box. This would be the perfect time. She hopped over the railing, stake in hand. Dru spun around on the spot.   
  
"Does pretty Slayer want to play?" She grinned maliciously and started towards Buffy, weak, but still lethal. Buffy dodged her attack and pounced upon her.   
  
"Dru?" Spike's voice sounded from the back of the factory. "Are you trying to impregnate the flowers again, love?" He came into the room and his eyes widened with shock. Drusilla had Buffy pinned, her fingers wrapped dangerously around Buffy's tanned neck. Buffy kicked upwards, sending Drusilla flying. Drusilla grappled for the knife that she had on the table. She brought it Buffy's throat and pushed the tip in, just enough to draw a droplet of blood. Buffy didn't struggle. Hell, she was ready to go. And if she was going to die, she might as well do it being a Slayer.   
  
Spike watched in amazement, Buffy had relaxed in Drusilla's grip. The knife clattered to the floor and Spike briefly wondered where she had gotten it. Drusilla was sinking her fangs into Buffy's neck and Spike realized something. He couldn't imagine life without the slayer. Even if it was being her mortal enemy, fighting her gave him some sort of vicarious thrill. Spike ran towards the pair and shoved Dru, pouncing on top of her. Drusilla began to sob.   
  
"I was going to kill her. The slayer was going to die." She whined, struggling in Spike's grasp.   
  
"I-I'm sorry, love." He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. He grabbed Buffy's fallen stake and pushed it into Dru's chest. Drusilla made a face of betrayal before bursting into a cloud of dust.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy knelt down at his side. She placed a hand to his shoulder and Spike flinched. Buffy felt a pang of guilt. Even if they were vampires…they were in love. And love was love, wasn't it? A single tear rolled down Spike's cheek, splashing onto the ashes that were once Drusilla. Buffy brought he lips to his cool cheek and kissed it. Spike turned to her.   
  
"I loved her." His face was set in resolve.   
  
"You should have let her kill me then." Spike shrugged.   
  
"Couldn't."   
  
"Why?" Buffy's voiced cracked.   
  
"Because. Ever since I came to Sunnydale, my life revolved around you. It was about killing you, always. I stayed up all night plotting your demise. I had perfect set-ups and sometimes-" He stopped.   
  
"And sometimes what?" Buffy urged.   
  
"I wondered what it would be like to kiss you." His eyes traced her face and he smiled a little bit.   
  
"And then it was all about being able to touch you and then kill you."   
  
"Oh, that's comforting." Buffy crossed her arms over her chest.   
  
"And then there was last night and I didn't want you dead, because I couldn't imagine why I would be living if not for you in it. The slayer has always been my revolution in life, and somehow I know that the next slayer could never be like you and-" Spike stopped once again. "Just forget it. Screw this." Spike stood and waved his hand in the air.   
  
"No. It was…understandable. I'm sorry about Dru." Spike wiped a hand over his eye.   
  
"Got something in my eye." He mumbled. Buffy stood and cocked her hip.   
  
"Right." She grabbed his hand and helped him up.   
  
"Can we shag now?" Spike clicked his tongue. Buffy sighed.   
  
"Spike…that was wrong. We can't…I can't…it's unethical and totally and completely not going to work and-" Buffy was silenced as Spike grabbed her and forced her mouth onto his. "Okay then." She mumbled into the kiss, Spike's hands tangling into her hair.   
  
"Buffy?" Buffy pulled away from the kiss and looked up into the pained brown eyes of another. Angel was looking down at her, his eyes wide with shock.  
  
//When all this time I've been so hollow inside//  
  
"Did he force you, Buffy?" Angel hopped down and ran to her. "Are you ok?" A grabbed her shoulder and pulled her towards him. Buffy didn't resist and stumbled into his arms.   
  
Angel grabbed her by the waist. "Are you?" Buffy nodded, and Angel tore after Spike, leaping on him.  
  
"Angel!" Angel turned to Buffy.   
  
"What?"   
  
"Did it look forced?" She whispered, almost inaudible.   
  
"What?"  
  
"I said…did it look forced?" She said louder this time. Angel was in shock.   
  
"You-you…why? He's evil, Buffy!"   
  
"He's the same as you." Her eyes darted nervously from Spike to Angel.   
  
"He doesn't have a soul, Buffy."   
  
"There are plenty of evil people with souls." Buffy pointed out, tears gathering in her eyes. Spike moved to stand beside her.   
  
"So-so," Angel sputtered, "You two are together?"  
  
"No." Buffy said softly. "But…Spike gets it Angel."   
  
"I get you!" Angel retorted, looking pained.   
  
"No..no you don't." Buffy's eyes traveled to the shadowed floor. "I've been hurting all this time and you never noticed. The only time I've felt safe not wanting to vanish and die was when I was-" She caught herself and a tear escaped her eye. Spike instinctively brushed the tear under her eye away.  
  
//I know you're still there//  
  
"I-I love you more than words can say, Angel. And if circumstances were different, I'd be so happy to have you. But, I'm not. And we aren't good for me. I haven't been happy in so love…you aren't what I need." Angel scoffed.   
  
"And Spike is?" She looked into the blackness for a second.  
  
"Neither of you are!" She screamed, dashing from the factory.  
  
***  
  
It had been four days. Four days that she had been holed up in her room, faking sick, and not having to act too hard. It was Friday evening and she vaguely remembered that her 17th birthday was on Monday. She shifted on her back in bed. She was thankful for the first time that her mother worked, because she didn't have to cough up a storm for the sake of believability for about 8 am till 7pm.   
  
Apparently, and luckily, Angel hadn't told the others about Spike. Even as they visited at least once a day, no one had said anything. Sometimes, she would dream of Spike. Her dreams of Angel had always been of their wedding, of them being together. Her dreams of Spike were fiery, passionate, and adventurous…even if they were just talking in it. She groaned. She admitted to herself that maybe she liked him…just a little bit.   
  
//Watching me, wanting me//  
  
Spike watched as Buffy shifted in her bed, her face distorted in discomfort. She looked so lonely, so empty. Spike had known from that night that he had held her that he loved her, and he wanted her. He loved that she didn't run away from his demon. He loved that she could kick his sorry ass to hell (adds adventure), but he loved most of all the little darkness inside of her. Not an evil darkness per say, but the fact that unlike most humans, she wasn't afraid to show it. All humans have a dark side and they spend their time trying to either be it, or get rid of it. Buffy did neither. Buffy accepted both sides of her and used them to her advantage. He shifted as he watched her looked sadly up at the ceiling.   
  
//I can feel you pull me down//  
  
Lightning flashed and thunder crackled. Buffy shot up in bed. She hated storms. It was comical, actually. She could decapitate the foulest of things, but a shock of electricity could terrify her. She closed her eyes, but flashed them open again. Every time she closed her eyes, Spike invaded her mind. Hell, he invaded her mind when her eyes were open.   
  
//Fearing you, loving you//  
  
Buffy dashed to her window just as another bolt of lighting lit up the Sunnydale sky. A lean figure was leaning against the tree. She cracked open the window, rain splattering her in the face.   
  
"You trying to be a vampire conductor electricity?" She called into the wind. Spike's hair was being blown back and he shrugged passively.   
  
//I won't let you pull me down//  
  
Spike scaled the house and hopped into the room, leather duster dripping all over the floor. He reached a hand to touch her shoulder. She flinched back.  
  
"I guess we're on the same boat. We've both lost our lovers." She looked up painfully.   
  
"I don't deny that I loved her…but my love had been lessening for quite some time." Spike confessed.   
  
"Why?" She searched his eyes for an answer.   
  
"Because I effin' love you, Slayer. Are you blind?" He through his hands up in annoyance.   
  
"You-you love me?" She backed into the wall, hands twitching in nervousness.   
  
  
  
//Hunting you, I can smell you-alive//  
  
Spike nodded. "But don't compare me to your soddin' Angel. I'm not a poof." He narrowed his eyes, growing defensive.   
  
"No..no…this is just a shock."   
  
"Is it really? I killed Dru for you. I subconsciously have forced myself to fail every fight with you! And we were both too stupid to realize why…" Buffy's eyes widened.   
  
"I can't handle this." She covered her eyes with her hand.   
  
//Your heart pounding in my head//  
  
"You don't love me." Spike looked her up and down painfully.   
  
"No, no I don't. But I don't hate you…if that helps." She motioned for him to sit down. She sat down next to him and fumbled with her hands in her lap.   
  
//Watching you, wanting you//  
  
"I'm not going to stop killing."   
  
"I know. You can't." Buffy nodded. "It's not like that."   
  
"Then what is it, pet?"   
  
"I'm not capable of love."   
  
"What in the bloody hell are you saying?" Spike looked over at her.   
  
"I'm devoid of anything, Spike. I don't even deserve to be called a human. I'm just…a Slayer."   
  
  
  
//I can feel you pull me down//  
  
"You are as human, more so even, as everyone else." Spike placed a hand on her shoulder and it traveled down to her wrist.   
  
"What is this? Are we together?" Buffy's eyes were glowing in loss.   
  
"It's whatever you want it to be. As long as there's lots and lots of sex involved." Spike smirked and moved his other hand to her thigh.   
  
//Saving me, raping me//  
  
Buffy smiled. "You are a pervert. But…I'm not objecting." She grinned wickedly. Spike grabbed her hand and held it within his own. He knew there would be no happy ending. He knew there would be no picket fence, or dog named Lucky. There would be no little slayers and vampires (plus, how well would that work out?). There would never be a wedding out in the sun. Hell, there might not even ever be a relationship. All he knew was that her hand was in his, and she wasn't trying to kill him.   
  
//Watching me…haunting me//  
  
TBC 


	6. Tourniquet

Title: Tourniquet (6/11)   
  
Series: Queen of Dusk  
  
Author's Name: Riley  
  
Author's Email and URL: XxBuffyRoxMySoxX@aol.com http://www.freewebs.com/queenofdusk Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and UPN own Buffy the Vampire Slayer in totality. Joss Whedon and the WB own Angel: the Series. No profit is made from this piece of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. The song was written and performed by Evanescence.   
  
Distribution: To my site, all archives. You are free to take, just let me know  
  
Rating: R  
  
Timeline: Season 2, before Angel goes bad, when they are dating. Spike is not in his wheelchair (Dru is not healed), Xander and Cordy are secretly together and Willow and Oz are together. I know that may be a little wonky, but I want it to work.   
  
Pairing: B/S (B/A at the beginning, but not for long.)   
  
Feedback: Yes! Please let me know what you thought!   
  
Summary: Buffy's hurting, she's lonely, and no one understands. She's lost everything she has to live for, or so she thinks. Spike finds something oddly compelling about the Slayer…now if only he could bring her to his side…  
  
I encourage you all at the fanfiction.net to visit my lovely lil' site :-p www.freewebs.com/fallen_buffy_spike  
  
It was still dark when Buffy opened her eyes. She glanced sleepily at the clock, noting angrily that it was only 1am. Spike had his right arm flung over her abdomen, and his head was buried between two pillows. She prodded his pale shoulder gently.   
  
"Spike?" She whispered into his ear. Spike shuddered.   
  
"I dun' wanna get up!" he mumbled, swatting her hand away.   
  
"Spike, my mom will come in here in a few hours and she won't be too pleased to find a guy in my bed."   
  
"Not a guy." Spike rolled over to his other side.   
  
"You know what I mean." She took her fist and aimed to strike at his groin. Spike sat straight up, narrowly avoiding getting hit. Buffy laughed at the shocked expression on his face.   
  
"You need to get out of here. Sunrise will be here in a few hours." Spike's hand shot to his chest in a state of mock surprise.   
  
"You really do care!" He wiped an invisible tear from his cheek. Buffy smiled and rolled her eyes. "I have a better idea." His face became hard and serious once more.   
  
"What?" Buffy wasn't sure she wanted to hear a brilliant Spike plan.   
  
"Lets go."   
  
"Huh?" Buffy squinted her eyes. She recognized a glint of something she didn't like in Spike's blue ones.   
  
"Lets get away. Lets get away from Angel, my memories of Dru, your school, all these inhibitions and just be-"   
  
"Are you out of your mind?!" Buffy threw up her hands, trying to stay quiet in her mini rage. "We can't just pack up and go! I have ties here!"   
  
"You'd love it though, wouldn't you?" Spike tilted his head. Buffy blushed a little and looked down.   
  
"I'm probably a terrible person for thinking so…but, yes." She shrugged haphazardly. "It's hard to be depended on." Spike nodded.   
  
"Just for a couple of days. Take some time off…be random. I promise you'll have fun…lots and lots of fun." He put an awful lot of emphasis on the word fun, sending shivers up Buffy's spine.   
  
"I can't-" Buffy began, but stopped her explanation as a cool hand settled itself on her thigh. "Only for a few days?" Spike smirked.   
  
"Knew you'd give in." Spike leered cockily. Buffy bit her lip. Spike noted that she had a habit of doing this when she was uncomfortable or nervous.   
  
"Just remember this has nothing to do with you. I just want to have a break."   
  
"Well then, lets go." Spike nudged at her shoulder to move.   
  
"Just like this? Um…ok." She stood and began rifling through her closet, shoving clothing items into her purple backpack. She grabbed her wallet from the counter and stuffed all her money into it, throwing it into the backpack. She tore a page from a discarded journal she had once aptly donned "The Chronicles of Buffy" and never opened again. She scribbled down with a half broken pencil, a heart-felt note to her mother and friends, folded it, and left it on the smashed pillow on her bed.   
  
"Well that was fast." Spike smiled softly before grabbing Buffy's hand and pulling her out the window.   
  
***  
  
Rain was plowing down on the old Desoto as it plowed the streets of Sunnydale. Buffy was sleeping peacefully, her head rested on the armrest, golden hair splayed across Spike's lap. Spike shifted as he drove, leaning to turn on the radio. The Sex Pistols filled the air, which Buffy responded to with an unpleasant groan. Spike frowned. He'd teach her to love good music.   
  
//I tried to kill the pain//  
  
He glanced happily at the "Leaving Sunnydale" sign and sighed. He'd never have to go back to that hellhole again. His mind briefly wandered to Dru. Was she happy wherever she had gone? He wondered where a vampire goes anyway. It's not like they have a soul to send to heaven. Spike sped up, now going seventy in a fifty-five zone. He grumbled as Buffy shifted, her hand 'accidentally' knocking the radio button to some pop station.   
  
Spike groaned and turned the knob off. He nudged her shoulder. "It's real music or no music, doll."   
  
"It is real music, genius!" She flipped the station on, setting her head back down on the armrest. Spike slammed his hand onto the radio.   
  
"We're NOT listening to it." He smiled flakily, and turned his eyes back to the road.  
  
***  
  
"Pet?" Spike nudged Buffy, who had begun drooling on the seat about an hour before. Buffy sat up, groggily rubbing her eyes.   
  
"What?" She looked out the window to a small motel, the title reading "ilderness Motel". The W from Wilderness was lying, propped against the stone wall, rusted and bent. Buffy frowned. "We're staying here?" Spike nodded.   
  
"Its not so bad. Dru and I stayed here once…on our way to Sunny D."   
  
"Oh gee." Buffy flashed him a sarcastic smile. She grabbed her backpack from the floor of the car and pulled in onto her lap, folding her hands in front of it.  
  
"Jealous, pet?" He narrowed his eyes.   
  
"Never." Buffy titled her head as Spike pulled into the lot. He turned off the ignition, stuck his hand out the window to check for sunlight, out of habit, and stepped from the car. Buffy followed, lugging her backpack on one shoulder.   
  
Spike slammed several crumpled dollars in front of the manager. "A double." He growled. The manager looked taken aback, as he handed Spike a key with '13' engraved into the silver.   
  
"Thirteen. My lucky day!" Buffy followed Spike from the lobby and down the disheveled hall. Clearly this hotel was used by desperate couples who needed a 'break' on the road. Spike opened the door and dumped the bag he'd picked up from his abandoned house. Buffy followed suit and set her backpack next to the queen bed.   
  
//but only brought more//  
  
She pushed back the orange covers of the antediluvian bed, which sighed and groaned with her every movement. "I'm really tired." She pulled her hair into a scrunchie that had been around her wrist and set her head onto the flattened pillow. After a few minutes, she could feel Spike's cool body slip beside hers, his head falling to the base of her neck and his arm slinking around her waste. She let her eyes flutter shut and began to concentrate on the sprinkling of rain onto the metal roof.   
  
//I lay dying//  
  
Buffy was dead tired (no pun intended), but no matter how long she lay there silent, no matter how hard she tried to push away her thoughts, and no matter how many times she tried to swallow the mucus clogging her throat, she couldn't sleep.   
  
"Luv?" Spike nuzzled his head against her neck and propped himself up. "You still awake?" Buffy nodded and turned to face him.   
  
"Yeah." Spike brushed a few stray hairs from her face.   
  
"Can't sleep?" He cocked an eyebrow and moved his hand to turn on the light above the bed. Buffy shook her head.   
  
"You been crying?" Spike surveyed the puffy redness beneath her eyes and the streaks of black down her cheeks. She shrugged. "Why would you be?"   
  
"You don't care anyway." She looked up at him angrily and bit her lip.   
  
"Do too."   
  
"Do not."   
  
"I do TOO." Spike wrapped his hands around her shoulders.   
  
"You can't." Buffy shrugged them away.   
  
//And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal//  
  
"And why the hell not?"   
  
"You don't even have a soul, Spike."   
  
"So? Didn't stop me from loving Dru. And it doesn't stop me from loving you." There he'd said it. If he could have blushed, he would have. Spike watched as Buffy's mouth opened and closed several times before she let out a gasp.   
  
"When did this happen?" She sat up and pushed the sheets down her legs. "Why did no one inform me?!" She stood up from the bed and began pacing, her hands on her cheeks. "What am I? Am I 'Last To Know Everything Buffy'?" She hit her head against the wall and pursed her lips, blowing air deeply.   
  
"Pet, you're going to give yourself an aneurysm."   
  
"Don't care." She knocked her head against the wall. Spike got up and headed over to her.   
  
"You don't hate me." He brought his lips to her warm neck and pecked it softly.   
  
"No. I don't." She turned and leaned against the wall, her eyes wet with tears.   
  
//I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming…//  
  
Spike grabbed her cheeks and frowned. "Why are you crying?" He didn't understand anything anymore. He wasn't used to this…pain.   
  
"Nothing makes sense anymore, nothing means anything!" Spike pulled the sobbing Slayer into his arms and stoked her hair softly.   
  
"I know, pet. I know." She was shaking in his arms for almost twenty minutes, when he crying ceased, and Spike looked down to see her half asleep in his arms. He scooped her up and carried her to the bed, setting her down and kissing her forehead. Buffy curled up next to him.  
  
"Vampire teddy bear." She wrapped her arms around his waist.   
  
"Does Angel hold you, luv?" Spike prodded her with his sudden question. She nodded.   
  
"But different. Like I might break." She snuggled her head into his armpit.   
  
"Tomorrow night, I'm going to give you the break you deserve." Spike kissed her ear.   
  
"Promise?"   
  
"Promise." Buffy sighed and closed her eyes. She knew she was being irresponsible, leaving behind all her priorities…but she'd go back. She just felt as if she'd die if she didn't have a break.   
  
//Am I too lost to be saved?//  
  
Buffy woke up alone in the bed, but she could hear the shower running and put two and two together. She stretched and swung her legs over the edge, cringing at the squeaks and groans it made. She rummaged through her backpack and changed into a pair of crumpled jeans and a black tee shirt.   
  
"Spike?" She creaked open the door to the bathroom. Spike muffled a 'what?' in reply and Buffy could hear the slapping of flesh on tile.   
  
"You there?"   
  
"Yeah." Spike stuck his head out of the infinitesimal, grimy shower. He ran a hand through his drenched, bleach blonde locks. "You alright?" Buffy shrugged and stepped into the bathroom, leaning back against the wall. She closed her eyes and pursed her lips, hands clenching against the blue plaster.   
  
"None of this is right. Nothing is normal."   
  
"And who said anything had to be normal?" Spike wrapped a white towel around his waist and turned off the shower.   
  
"I don't know. Its just the way of the world."   
  
"You aren't of this world." Buffy smiled.   
  
"You have a point."  
  
//My God, my tourniquet//  
  
"Lets go somewhere."   
  
"Where? It's day out, and a pile of dust can't drive…" Spike smirked, the ends of his lips quirking up.   
  
"I know a place, trust me." Buffy looked around, as if to check that no one was coming.   
  
"And you can get there ok?"   
  
"Trust me." Spike emphasized.   
  
"I can't."   
  
"Can't or won't?"   
  
"Both." Buffy tucked her hair behind her ears.   
  
//Return to me, salvation//  
  
  
  
Spike walked from the bathroom and began to put on his usual clothing. "You're smart not to." Buffy nodded.   
  
"But we can go to the place if you really want. I need to get out of this motel anyway." Spike nodded and grabbed a wrinkled gray blanket from the floor and tossed it over his head.   
  
"Follow me."   
  
//Do you remember me?//  
  
Buffy took his smooth hand and nodded, following him from the room. Spike hurried towards the car, wincing as sunlight scattered over his exposed hand. He hopped into the car and sighed with relief.   
  
"That," he breathed "Takes talent." Buffy nodded, a minute smile managing to slip through her gloom. Buffy reached over and adjusted the radio. She began to sing a long, tapping her nails on the black-painted window.   
  
"When you're all alone, and you need a light, someone to guide through the night, just remember, that I am here to hold you close and dry your tears…" Buffy blushed when she noticed Spike was staring at her intently with an expression of amour on his face. She quickly switched the knob to another station, not daring to look up at him.   
  
"Not even you can listen to this crap." Spike broke the silence and turned the radio off.   
  
"So where is this place?" Buffy asked as Spike's car sped along the interstate.   
  
"Right-" he took a turn onto a smaller dirt road "over here." He ambled the car to a parking lot in front of a dingy looking building with an illegible rusted sign.   
  
"Oh…nice." Buffy looked the place up and down and wrinkled her nose.   
  
"Don't judge a book by it's cover pet."  
  
"Cliché!"   
  
//Lost for so long…//  
  
Spike rolled his eyes and got out of the car, pulling the blanket over his head. He circled to Buffy's side and let her out, rushing to the front door.   
  
It was a club, decorated completely in crushed black velvet and steel. There was an archway over the entry, with dangling silver manacles hanging every few inches. Along the hallway were doors, each decorated with a carving of some sort. The dance floor was steel, with velvet covered poles for each 6 square feet, and a giant silver chandelier hanging over them. Five or ten couples, mainly decked in leather, danced. A dozen singles drank from large silver chalices adorned with shadowy purple gems. Buffy felt a shiver run up her spine and gave credit to Spike, who was effectively massaging her lower back through her shirt.   
  
//Will you be on the other side?//  
  
The creepy part of the place, was the classical music sounding through the speakers. It sounded completely out of place, sort of sick and twisted. Spike captured Buffy by the wrist and pulled her out onto the dance floor, other hand rushing to grab her hip. They swayed to the music, Spike's breath heavy on her neck.   
  
//Or will you forget me?//  
  
Buffy's eyes flitted to the singles at the bar. One gulped, and red liquid drizzled down his chin. He turned to face her, eyes yellow and hungry. She pushed Spike away from her.   
  
"You took me to a vampire hangout?" She whispered irately. Spike nodded, as if he didn't see anything wrong with the idea. "I'm the fricken' slayer and you take me to a VAMPIRE hangout?" She said a little louder, alerting the couple next to them. The terrified vampires began to back away. She glanced around…not a piece of wood in sight. Of course, vampire hangout. She angrily stomped away from Spike, slamming open the door, and grabbing the blanket he'd hung at the door. "I can't believe I even thought this would work!" she yelled to herself, tears collecting in her eyes.   
  
"Buffy!" Spike ran to the door, stopping before the sunlight reached him. He called out again, but Buffy ignored him.  
  
"Damn!" Buffy realized she had left the keys with Spike. She tossed him the blanket and pointed to the car. "Drive."   
  
//I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming//  
  
Buffy kept her eyes averted from Spike the entire ride. Even as he offered to let her grab some McDonald's, she only breathed a little louder to signal her rage.   
  
"Come on, Buffy. You can't stay angry forever." She shrugged.   
  
"Can too." Spike pulled over with a screech.   
  
"You know what? You win! That's it! Get the hell out of my car, Slayer. I don't need you or your forgiveness." Buffy looked at him and raised her eyebrows. "I'm serious, Slayer. Out." He gave her shoulder and little shove. She opened the door and stepped out.   
  
"Fine. I'll get home myself." She turned up her nose and turned away from him. He sped way, dust spraying her in the face.   
  
//Am I too lost to be saved?//  
  
Spike was seething with anger as he sped through the streets. He didn't really feel like stopping, in fact, he was wide awake. He drove for a good four hours, before stopping in hunger. He parked the car and wandered until he found a good spot to wait. A young redhead dressed in a 'come bite me' outfit was walking towards his spot, alone and tired looking. He jumped out at her and grabbed her by the shoulders. Suddenly, he stopped and hesitated. Something like…guilt? The girl trembled in his arms and began sobbing.   
  
"P-please don't hurt me. I'll give you money. She kicked at her purse which had fallen.   
  
"Don't want your money." He moved the strap of her top aside and bit down onto her skin. He drank until her crying was almost silent, then stopped. He pushed her shaking body against the wall, and left her crying there.  
  
//Am I too lost?//  
  
Spike hopped back into his car and drove to the motel. As he reached the door, it dawned on him that Buffy had had the key. He grabbed at the knob in desperation, and was shocked to find it unlocked.   
  
"Buffy?" She was sitting on the bed, hair tied back into a tight bun, with a few wispy tendrils falling out. She was wearing no makeup, and Spike could tell she'd taken a shower. She looked innocent in an oversized Sunnydale High School sweatshirt and jeans, her bare feet scuffing at the floor.   
  
//Return to me salvation//  
  
"W-would it be selfish to ask to stay?" She sputtered like a little girl.   
  
"Well, yeah, it would. But I'm not saying no." He gestured to the room.   
  
"I'm not saying you were right in taking me there or anything…but-" She stopped mid-sentence, and stared up at him, silently begging for forgiveness.   
  
//My God, My tourniquet//  
  
Spike removed his duster and hung it next to the door, then stalked over to Buffy. He sat down and took her hand, which was shaking quite madly.   
  
//Return to me salvation//  
  
"You're going to be the death of me, Summers." He smirked at her, his lips twitching slightly.   
  
"I'm a little late." She smiled back at him and squeezed his hand.   
  
//My wounds cry for the grave//  
  
A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and she wiped it away, still smiling at him.   
  
//My soul cries for deliverance//  
  
Spike moved his hand to her cheek, brushing tendrils behind her ears. She gasped a little, a few more delicate tears managing to escape. "It's my birthday tomorrow. I'll be seventeen."   
  
//Will I be denied Christ?"   
  
"Promise not to run off anymore?" Buffy nodded and looked down for a second before looking back up at him.   
  
//Tourniquet…//  
  
Spike smiled and kissed her softly, electricity tingling up Buffy's spine.  
  
//My suicide//  
  
A/N Thanks for waiting so long! It took me f o r e v e r. I know! Major writers black!! 


End file.
